The presenter for our 5^th Session in the course: Thriving in the Emerging New World blew my heart wide open. She Who Shall Not Be Named to Protect her Life and the Lives of Those She Loves is a tribal woman, born in Palestine in the Galilee under Israeli occupation. She experienced being “less than” in every aspect of her beingness – from misogyny to persecution of every imaginable kind. As a child she knew she had done nothing to be rejected so…she was simply born into it. I quote her now because her experience strengthens me and could inspire deep reflection for you. We each can choose to love or not no matter our circumstances. She Who Shall Not Be Named said: So from a very early age, I understood that my only way to overcome all of this rejection was not to play the same game of these rejections, but to grow enough love inside of me that would raise me up beyond these rejections…I did not research it. I did not study it. I did examine it in reality, but it was just a clear insight into my young body saying, in order to survive all this rejection, your main support, your main wings, is love.

How many times have you heard the words: Love your neighbor as yourself, as if loving ourselves was the most natural thing in the world. But hatred for self runs rampant in our culture. AND hatred toward others runs rampant when we dislike, disparage, dismiss and denigrate ourselves. I’m not certain when and where such self-loathing began, but I know it’s been a heavy burden for me and most people I know. And it goes back generation upon generation. We’ve been separated for thousands of years from what matters most to humans – being close to other humans from birth onward and belonging to our world. ( See: The Continuum Concept by Jean Liedloff, or The Evolved Nest by Darcia Narvaez )

Caught between a rock and a hard-place, I was taught to seek perfection but trained to keep my successes “under my hat”, trained NOT to share my feelings, especially the vulnerable ones, but NOT to share my joys either. There was room for neither celebration nor grieving. I was so riddled with fears about me, I wasn’t at home in my own skin. My hurting parents hurt me. I recognized that at an early age, and learned to take care of myself emotionally as best I could. But it took me years of therapy and birthing children of my own before I began to be able to love myself, to feel compassion for my Father and Mother, to re-parent myself.

I remember the turning-point.

A year or so after being divorced at the age of 40ish, I had been invited to my first party as a single woman. As I entered the front room filled with strangers, I made a bee-line for the one woman I did know. We had a lovely chat about this and that, but then to my dismay, she said she had to leave early. I looked around, felt naked, shy and ashamed, awkward among strangers, and scooted out the front door as fast as I could. Driving myself home, I began the familiar litany in my head – you idiot, you imbecile, you stupid, fearful, ugly, stupid woman, how are you ever gonna…Suddenly, I stopped. Another voice inside me had arrived. “Slow down, Missy…Why are you being so hard on yourself? This is a huge deal, going to a party after 20 years of not socializing. You’re just feeling like a scared rabbit, frozen in the headlights of an oncoming car. You need to get back to the safety of your nest. It’s ok, it’s ok…

The observing part of me was astounded: So this is what it feels like to be kind to myself. OMG. I just made a decision to be kind to myself. WOW. I can choose to be gentle rather than abusive. Holy crap. It’s up to ME! I can choose to be loving…

My life changed after that.

And I am grateful for people like S/He Who Shall Not Be Named, and Valerie Kaur, author of See No Stranger and a champion of revolutionary love, who, despite the horrors perpetrated against them and their loved ones, speak out for love’s power. They have embodied love’s truth from deep within themselves. May they embolden us all!